(no subject)

"What's wrong with you nowadays"

1) im well aware of my own depressive bouts
2) I'm having a depressive bout
3) I would fix it if I knew how to
4) I'm not gonna apologise for something I can't control
5) you shouldn't be angry that I am also finally refusing to tolerate any of your racist, sexist, homophobic and self-entitled bullshit anymore (attn: my own family whom I have to spend my weekends with which is why I am so moody all the time even when im not having an "episode")
6) however I am behaving has nothing to do with how I am eating because I am eating well
7) my decision not to eat meat is not something trivial
8) it is not a religion but it doesn't mean it is less important
9) find me the religion that I could be following if you so believe that I'm starting to follow another faith L M A O

10) I'm feeling better after my run but still, fuck all of you

Some other me

Can you trace back your life to the significant moments that brought you to where you are today?

Because I can, and it is hella scary to think about where I could be had there been just one turn of events in the past.

Glee. Fangirl. Musical theatre. Theatre. Here.

Before that?

Avril Lavigne. Glee covered Keep Holding On. I was a huge Avril fan. Read the forums of the fan site every day. Had I just missed that post, would I have started Glee and become the crazy TV-loving person I am today?

Had I not made friends with the new girl in primary 4, would I still have discovered Avril's music and fell down the rabbit hole of fangirl doom?

Had I not introduced Glee to Vanessa (did I even do that?) would she have dragged me to see Spring Awakening in 2012? Would I still have found Pangdemonium as I have now?

Honestly. There are parts of my history that I'm so embarrassed for anyone to know about because it is silly and I am trying to adult now. But I treasure them and I smile when I look back because if not for them, if not for my obsessive fangirl self, I probably would not be where I am today.

But it's also scary, because what would some other me have been? What if I never developed a love for theatre? What would be driving me right now? What if I never started watching a shit ton of US TV? Would I still be watching Hong Kong dramas with my mum everyday? Would I be lost and confused about what to pursue in the future at 20 years old? Would I have gone to a JC and been in uni now? Could I have actually been happy that way? Like I am now? And not question that there could be another life out there?

I'm not unhappy about where I am. Instead, I'm rather grateful. I feel kinda lucky, though I hate saying that because I believe that I've worked to get where I am. But a little part of me can't help but giggle and sigh happily that many things have just kinda fallen into place for me. And I'm glad, but I'm also so curious. Curious about some other me.

(no subject)

when i stare into space i just see the nac scholarship and i see four good years in australia and the uk and i see myself being academically challenged yet having a damn good work/life balance i don't want any of this anymore i can't wait to graduate!!!!!!

joke's on me if i don't achieve the first step and end up in a local u tbh

(no subject)

Well, I've learned recently that it's entirely possible to go from being an extrovert to an introvert

I used to be such an extrovert and I always thought that that would be the way I am forever. I would talk a lot, have nothing to hide from anyone, speak my mind freely when I feel like it, post a lot of crap on facebook and twitter about my life, my frustrations, everything.

Then recently it's just been lots of bottling everything up. Keeping quiet, thinking twice before I open my mouth or send out a tweet, choosing to sit alone in a corner at a party than mingle. And I feel fine about that. This wasn't caused by a single significant event, or a few, whatever. I'm not sad. I haven't done things that I have to keep secret. I don't know why, but this aspect of me has changed, a lot. And sometimes I wish it hadn't, because I had a lot of good memories in the past, being the life of the party (or at least I thought so). I do wonder why it is that I've changed so much. The people whom I've gotten to know only recently would never believe how I used to be like.

Oh, I don't know. Maybe it's just because I'm never around people that I'm actually 100% comfortable with since I started work. Maybe that's why. And that worries me too, because I love my job. But there are some days where I think about sustainability (lol) if I cant ever feel like I really fit in when I'm gonna be working for them for a whole year more.


(no subject)

I had such a great first week of internship and it makes me so happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wake up refreshed every day and I get enough sleep and I never feel tired during work and I eat meals regularly I rarely snack and I get shit done.

Also I hardly think about a person anymore which is GOOD IT'S GOOD 4 ME

women for women

women need to understand the importance of supporting other women.

Today, in class, my lecturer showed us a video clip of Anna Wintour. Once it started playing, my friend immediately said (quite loudly), "she looks like such a typical bitch." Now, that's not very nice, is it?

I don't understand why people do things like that. Judging others without even knowing the context and understanding a situation completely.

This was probably the first time my friend had heard of and seen Anna Wintour's face. And right at the first moment, she passed off that comment. God. It's just so frustrating to see women insult other women just immediately the moment they see that they are successful, powerful females. This is especially so since we've had a long history of being oppressed. If you believe in gender equality, then you gotta stop doing this kind of things. Be more aware of what comes out of your mouth. If you've done your research on a particular person, understood her story, and still feel that she is a "bitch", be it because you feel that her means of reaching her success was unethical or just was not something you agree to or believe in, then fine. But don't immediately put a demeaning label on another female just because she looks to be exuding power and control, because I'm sure you would not do the same if you were watching a video of a male.

I have so much I actually want to say but I realised that I'm not actually that great at putting thoughts into coherent words. But I hope you get what I mean.

back to da past

So I just looked through my own instagram profile all the way to my first post ever and discovered a few things

1) life used to be super cool and easy yo. I think everything just gets more and more complicated and I have no idea what's to come

2) my look has barely changed. Apart from a new pair of glasses I just got a couple of days ago, I have pretty much had the same look for three years

3) I started watching and loving Rizzoli and Isles over two years ago. I'm still reading Rizzles fanfic today even tho I don't love the show as much anymore. Damn.

4) Stana Katic was my sun and my moon. And to think a celebrity crush was the worst of my problems then, sheesh.

6) I'm glad vanessa made me create an instagram even though I thought it was dumb. It's nice to look back, I guess.

(no subject)

all the feelings I have now are BAAAD BAD BAD BAD very bad I am a horrible person sigh why do feelings sometime over power rationality